No Condom Blues
C. Jones (Copyright 1977)

My girlfriend came to see me, she saw I was perplexed
She said "I'm gonna cheer you up and I'll give you some sex"
Whoa whoa, I've got the no condom blues
I ain't got no raincoats, baby
I don't know what I'm gonna do

She strolled on over to the bed, her clothes they hit the floor
I was gettin' so excited that I made it for the door
Now when I was just a young man, my father grabbed me by the arm, and told me
"Don't you have no intercourse, son, without a raincoat on"
Whoa whoa, I've got the no condom blues

I ran down to the 7-11, I fell down on my knees
I said "Mr. 7-11 man, won't you help me, won't you sell me a condom please?"
He said "Now boy I've got some bad news, and this may really reek
But we're all out of Nudas, Trojans, Conforms, Extendos, we're even out of Shieks"
Whoa whoa, I've got the no condom blues

I said "Well have you got some Glad bags, or some Saran Wrap?
Right now I'd take aluminum foil, 'cause I know I know I can make that wrap"
He said "Well kid, I've got a contraceptive device, got it right in my wallet here
You can have it I've been carrying it, for maybe fifteen or sixteen years"
Whoa whoa, I've got the no condom blues

Well, I got back to my house, I ran on up the stairs
My bed was cold and empty, and my girlfriend wasn't there
So I threw out that ancient condom, and man it may seem rude
But why heat up the oven when you haven't got any food
Whoa, whoa, I've got the no condom blues

ALTERNARE LAST TWO LINES
But Mama told me "Always wear your rubbers when you go out in the rain"
Whoa whoa, I've got the no condom blues